How to Control Your Temper
If you have difficulty with anger problems, you may find that you have a short temper. Having a temper, or losing your patience and expressing your anger ineffectively, can strain your personal and work relationships. Finding ways to control your temper and reduce outbursts of anger may improve the quality of your life and your interpersonal relationships.
Think of anger as physiological as well as psychological. When you experience anger, your body undergoes a chemical process that activates your biological “fight or flight” response. For many people, a short temper results in a “fight” response due to a chemical and hormonal response in the brain.
Monitor your body for physical reaction. Many people show signs of anger in their bodies, even before they realize that they are feeling anger. You may be heading towards an outburst of anger if you are experiencing any of the following symptoms:
Tense muscles and clenched jaw
Headache or stomachache
Increased heart rate
Sudden sweating or shaking
A dizzy feeling
Watch for emotional signs. In addition to physical reaction to anger, you will likely begin to experience emotional symptoms before losing your temper. [3] Some emotions that often flare up alongside anger are:
Irritation
Sadness or depression
Guilt
Resentment
Anxiety
Defensiveness
Be aware of your triggers. Monitoring your outbursts of temper or thinking about what usually sets you off can help you identify your temper triggers.
A trigger is something that happens that makes you have an automatic reaction. Triggers are usually tied to past emotions or memories (even if you aren’t consciously aware of them). Some common triggers for anger include:
Feeling out of control of your own life, another person’s actions, or your environment or situation
Believing that someone is trying to manipulate you
Getting mad at yourself for making a mistake
Avoid known triggers. If you are aware of specific circumstances that are likely to trigger your temper, do your best to avoid them. [6] You may particularly need to focus on avoidance if you have other factors that may contribute to a shorter temper such as a lack of sleep, another emotionally-straining event, or increased life or job stress.
For example, if getting yelled at by your boss is a trigger for your anger, you could avoid the trigger by removing yourself from the situation or asking for a moment to yourself. You can also ask your boss to speak to you more calmly in the future.
Reframe your triggers. If you are aware of the emotion or memory that is tied to one of your triggers, try to restructure the memory to lessen the effect of the trigger.
For example, you may know that your boss yelling at you is a trigger because you were verbally abused as a child, try disassociating the two kinds of yelling. Convincing yourself that your childhood yelling was different because it only happened in a living room may help you separate it from yelling that you experience in the workplace.
Feel when your response is escalating. If you feel that the symptoms of your anger are escalating, and you seem to be moving from mildly irritated to really angry, remove yourself from the situation if at all possible. If you can remove yourself to be alone, you can use strategies to reduce or redirect your feelings of anger and avoid an outburst.
If you have difficulty with anger problems, you may find that you have a short temper. Having a temper, or losing your patience and expressing your anger ineffectively, can strain your personal and work relationships. Finding ways to control your temper and reduce outbursts of anger may improve the quality of your life and your interpersonal relationships.
Think of anger as physiological as well as psychological. When you experience anger, your body undergoes a chemical process that activates your biological “fight or flight” response. For many people, a short temper results in a “fight” response due to a chemical and hormonal response in the brain.
Monitor your body for physical reaction. Many people show signs of anger in their bodies, even before they realize that they are feeling anger. You may be heading towards an outburst of anger if you are experiencing any of the following symptoms:
Tense muscles and clenched jaw
Headache or stomachache
Increased heart rate
Sudden sweating or shaking
A dizzy feeling
Watch for emotional signs. In addition to physical reaction to anger, you will likely begin to experience emotional symptoms before losing your temper. [3] Some emotions that often flare up alongside anger are:
Irritation
Sadness or depression
Guilt
Resentment
Anxiety
Defensiveness
Be aware of your triggers. Monitoring your outbursts of temper or thinking about what usually sets you off can help you identify your temper triggers.
A trigger is something that happens that makes you have an automatic reaction. Triggers are usually tied to past emotions or memories (even if you aren’t consciously aware of them). Some common triggers for anger include:
Feeling out of control of your own life, another person’s actions, or your environment or situation
Believing that someone is trying to manipulate you
Getting mad at yourself for making a mistake
Avoid known triggers. If you are aware of specific circumstances that are likely to trigger your temper, do your best to avoid them. [6] You may particularly need to focus on avoidance if you have other factors that may contribute to a shorter temper such as a lack of sleep, another emotionally-straining event, or increased life or job stress.
For example, if getting yelled at by your boss is a trigger for your anger, you could avoid the trigger by removing yourself from the situation or asking for a moment to yourself. You can also ask your boss to speak to you more calmly in the future.
Reframe your triggers. If you are aware of the emotion or memory that is tied to one of your triggers, try to restructure the memory to lessen the effect of the trigger.
For example, you may know that your boss yelling at you is a trigger because you were verbally abused as a child, try disassociating the two kinds of yelling. Convincing yourself that your childhood yelling was different because it only happened in a living room may help you separate it from yelling that you experience in the workplace.
Feel when your response is escalating. If you feel that the symptoms of your anger are escalating, and you seem to be moving from mildly irritated to really angry, remove yourself from the situation if at all possible. If you can remove yourself to be alone, you can use strategies to reduce or redirect your feelings of anger and avoid an outburst.
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